that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
