I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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