I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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