it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
