i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
