have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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