Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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