I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Randomize
