I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you still have your period?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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