Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
