let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
