so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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