I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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