Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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