I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
