Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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