Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
