apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize