we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
