I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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