It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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