I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
