u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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