I haven't been this sober since birth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
