But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
