She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
