he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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