from now on my penis is your penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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