piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
