DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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