help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
