3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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