Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Rumble strips road head = magical
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
