also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
