That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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