Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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