Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
