I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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