Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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