I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
