Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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