I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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