Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
