Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
