Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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