I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize