he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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