Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we're making bets on your personal life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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