i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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