Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I forget how to act sober
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
