i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
