i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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