You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
