So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
