bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
