I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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