i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
