Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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