I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
