My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
