No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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