if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
