i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
