Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
