i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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